Max was peeved. “I am so sick of boring profiles on the dating sites. The first thing people want is to hold hands and walk with someone at sunset on the beach. The second thing is to cuddle up on a couch and watch TV. Why can’t they think of something more interesting?”
I explained to Max that this yearning for sharing quality time is a universal because it reflects close companionship. This is what we all need and desire. It’s especially vital for older folks who must move at a slower pace and have the opportunity to savour shared quality time.
“But I’m not slow!”, declared Max. “At 68, I can keep up with the 40 year olds when we cycle round the bay on Sunday mornings. I want the companionship of a woman who can ride her bike with me at least for two hours into the country and pitch a tent an enjoy the peace and quiet of the bush”.
Where Max wanted active companionship, John was different. He was the film buff who enjoyed nothing more than holding hands with his woman for a film-fest and then having dinner and debriefing the film.
Both men could find their ideal companion. The significant thing about companionship is that there’s no “have tos” – it’s just time shared where you feel bonded and content.
But is companionship better than sex? It’s actually expressed in good sex!
Trust is an essential ingredient of companionship and trust is essential for good sex.
Kevin believes that love is also essential for good sex. He said, “Sex is empty without love. Sure the physical sensations are exciting and pleasurable but it dissipates quickly and leaves in its wake a sense of longing for what was missing. If loving intimacy is missing I feel both sad and upset during the act, like I’ve used the other and abused my own values – a vacuum forms and I feel it in the pit of my stomach – and in my heart. When everything is in place though and sex is love-making – there is nothing that compares!”
Seniors can be sexual in order to express affection, passion, love, loyalty and appreciation of life as opposed to merely a sexual release.
I acknowledge that some older folks become very limited in being able to engage in enthusiastic love-making. For them, non sexual touch is also magical. An arm around a loved one, a small caress on the back or a brush along the cheek with the back of hand are affirming, reassuring and reflect a partnership where the couple are caring companions.
To be truly loving, a relationship would need to work on a number of levels – spiritual, mental, physical, emotional. All of these are intricately interwoven and in balance, with caring companionship, can enhance longevity and quality of life.
What do you think? Is companionship better than sex? What do you require in a relationship? Tell us in the comments!
This article was posted by our friends at Starts At Sixty, an online community for active over 60s. Image wavebreakmedia / Shutterstock.com.
Looking for conversation and lunch.
Hi Lori,
That’s great! There are so many Stitch members looking for the same. If you sign up for Stitch and become verified (for safety) you can post that to all of the members in your area, who can respond and coordinate to get together. Simply click “sign up” at the top of the screen to get started, and it’s free!
Marcie
Well said Jackie. I couldn’t agree more.
Well written and so true. It’s been a long time since I’ve dated. I live on a island in the Pacific Ocean so it’s a little more difficult to meet someone interested in companionship. I truly believe that with a solidly built companionship everything will fall into place be it sex, marriage or anything else.
I appreciate and agree with everything people are trying to say but given that Stitch wants to be both a dating site and a companionship (friendship) site, Stitch needs to come up with and stick to some standard vocabulary. When you first enter the website companionship is specifically a reference to friendship and activity partners. Guess what, that kind of companionship or friends only will never lead to great sex and isn’t intended to. In addition, from my perspective it won’t lead to the depth of emotional attachment that can feel as good and at times better then great sex.
Sex and relationships need to be first built on a core of what also exists in companionships/friendships and then evolve onto best friends and then onto a relationship and great sex. Can physical intimacy interject itself earlier in that process? Of course if the feeling is right and both want that but as many people have said more adeptly than I could, the greatest sex and deepest relationships don’t occur until well down that emotional continuum.
But what I have learned from this whole process at least for me is there is something much more important than friendship or even best friendship in the evolution of a romantic relationship. That is the willingness and desire to actually be in a romantic relationship if the feeling is right.
There are a number of people on here if not the majority and also on other sites who are not looking to progress to phase two let alone three and four and I don’t begrudge them that a bit, in fact I was there at one point. It appears that Stitch has began building a positive platform for that group that really didn’t have a place to go. Selfishly, if nothing else this will give those people a place to be instead of the dating websites.
But if Stitch also wants to be a dating website for those of us that are looking for that they need to be clearly differentiating that in terms of vocabulary, profiles, blogs, and even to the degree possible and when appropriate activities or whether we are 25, 50, or 70, it will likely lead to hurt on both sides of the aisle. Been there done that both in terms of being hurt and albeit hopefully unintentional, hurting.
Now hopefully those of you writers out there can come up with a way to differentiate between those of you looking for a companion and those of us looking for a COMPANION. LOL
Kent
Awesome feedback Kent. It’s actually something we struggle with how to get right … and we know we can improve the way Stitch works to make this aspect better. But at the same time we also know that many of our members (maybe even the majority) are not black and white here — there is a spectrum in what they’re looking for and many say they are open to a romantic relationship but they don’t want to begin every interaction with that as the starting point. At present we ask members to make it clear what they’re looking for (non-romantic and/or romantic companionship) but I think we’ll eventually refine this even further so that it’s clearer up front exactly where your priorities are.
As with all matters of the heart this is a tricky one to get right but we’re working hard to get there!
Thanks for the feedback,
Andrew.
Looking for maybe lunch n conversation initially and if there is any chemistry can go from there. Companionship, yes….romance, maybe.
Why is there people with no picture it wouldn’t take me until late I gave a picture
Companionship is that state of being friends, but it goes a deeper than even a friendship. It is a closeness or familiarity, a true fellowship among two people who for whatever reasons have truly connected. It is the word that comes to up whenever I have interviewed and counseled life-long partners.
Companionship can come with or without a sexual aspect, but it goes a lot deeper than “friends with benefits.” Before you end it all, you should take the following steps and you may just find that your companionship is the most fulfilling relationship of your life:
Thank you, Dave, for that wonderful contribution.
Well said. A perfect explanation.
Is it normal, though, to have a 4 year relationship with absolutely no intimacy whatsoever? We share a beautiful home, he is a good person and we get along well. He has had many reasons for his lack of interest…..his age, our previous fights, etc. He is 67, I am 63. Extensive counseling has not helped. I keep myself attractive, have even been told I am beautiful by many people. However, I don’t feel that way. I feel so lost and incomplete.
I’d say it’s normal to have a FRIENDSHIP, a friendly relationship with no intimacy whatsoever. But somehow, that doesn’t sound like what you have. So, your question/words leave me curious. Why would you live with someone in a “relationship” with whom you feel lost and incomplete? Are you just good buddies? How did you come to sharing a space? Has there always been no intimacy in your “relationship”? If you are just roommates/housemates in his view–and you want something more intimate–it doesn’t make sense to be there. It sounds like you are in a friendship and you want–more. He wants someone he knows to share a space with; you want to also have some intimate sizzle. Does he think that intimacy would destroy your ability to live together should either of you decide to not be intimate again, and the other partner still wanted it? Does he think what he does would not be satisfying and therefore the sharing of space would become impossible?
I BELIEVE I would move and look for that friend/companion who wanted sizzle in life or be thankful I live with a friend I can do other things with. (And honestly, I don’t think I would live with a guy and call it a relationship, if there is NO intimacy–and I wanted some! But, that’s just me. (Not trying to be critical, just trying to assess a situation I know next to zip about.)
IMHO, at your ages (I am in the same age group) why are you settling for less than you want? There are men out there who have the same desire you do, I believe. The man in my life is 68; I am 66. We are in a relationship and there is plenty of sizzle, but we are not living together. We are moving toward married togetherness, which is what we choose. There is no way I could live with my guy without some type of intimate closeness bc we share a love that craves intimate expression. We could not just be roomies. I know a lot of “seniors” share spaces without marriage these days, but it seems that both people in that arrangement should have the same ideas about intimacy or not–BEFORE they share the space.. Am I missing something?
hi my name is eileen i would like to meet someone my age who is looking for companionship before a relationship im 66 years old and im move like i should for my age someone to go out and socialize with dinner movies lunch and so on im from longwood florida
I am a 33 year old virgin woman who has never had multiple sexual relationships or affairs with men or anyone in my life. I had dealt with childhood trauma from the result of high suspicions of sexual abuse or molestation and physical or emotional abuse happened to me very young. Additionally dealing with social anxiety, mild bipolar depression, ADD/ADHD as well as borderline/mild General Learning Disabilities. However I am on medication to treat my conditions. I have dealt with personal health problems such as ovarian cyst and heavy bleeding problems with Mennorhiaga-metorrhaigia, sometimes personal health issues cause women not have a normal relationship because they deal with the effects of what their illness does to them. I could use a good companionship one day and the one whom does not rush in a sexual relationship nor does not have the interest of having sexual relations too soon. People who understand certain circumstances beyond outside the marriage bed should be respect a single and unmarried woman’s viewpoint of sex outside of wedlock- I don’t believe in that before marriage anyways despite of ones suffering as child.
I lost my wife recently due to multiple cancer complications.
I ‘ll soon be 69 yrs old. I am not quite sure how to handle myself as I am beginning to feel that life has started to get lonely and empty.
I can use some cosolatory advice or opinions.
Hi Rahman,
I’m really sorry to hear that. Most of our members have experienced loss of some kind so please feel free to join Stitch and take part in the community forums, which is where our members help each other with advice and opinions for the challenges they have experienced in their lives.
Regards,
Andrew.
Hello needing some advice was in a relationship 10 years ago with a man 15 years older than me , he,s 69 im 54 we have just renew our friendship , feel like we haven’t been apart , we are very intimate like we were 10 years old , but he,s more grumpier .. lol cant keep up with me .. ha ha ! when we are around one other we both flirt , cuddle ,touch kiss , he told me he still has feelings like i do , but he has told me im he,s companionship , just needing some opinions. Thank you . jodie ,
Jodie, I’m in a situation similar to you…only it was 30+ years ago, he is now 68 and I am 66. One thing he asked me at the point he realized he wanted to love me again (and that the feeling was mutual) was where I wanted “this” to go. Companionship was not an option for me. I want to spend the rest of my life with him for however long that life is–enjoying ALL that love brings.
You are VERY young to settle for companionship, in my very humble opinion–unless you want nothing deeper. He very well may not be able to keep up with you, but is that what you want for the rest of your life… grumpy guy who only wants a buddy he can flirt, cuddle touch, kiss with and after fanning the flame–put on the brakes/cold shower?. Does he think he won’t be able to fulfill the ‘needs’ of a younger woman? At 54, (seriously, at 66) I wouldn’t settle for that and wouldn’t marry (or be in a relationship with) a man of ANY age who created desire in me and then said–“I only want companionship!” WHAT??? It doesn’t sound like you have what you had 10 years ago–exactly. Or is it? (Many people say, if a man tells you his truth–believe him.) If that is not what you want…don’t settle for it.
It’s not friends with benefits, where’s the gentleman at today?